The Horrifying Diary
of Hornikatta The Dwarf

Dear diary!

An awful thing happened. Or, in fact - two awful things... now, when I think of it, the correct number is four.

First of all - I kept thinking about what we can do to not to pay these /%&/&%&/¤%¤ 50 GC to the carpenter and his greedy friend, stonemason - or where to get the money from. I was on the way to the dwarven part of our village, when I met my three "fanboys", Fero The Fist and the brothers Felo & Falo. They run towards me and asked how I was doing... ugh. I know what they have been after, every young dwarven maiden at my age knows that! It is my pocketgold I get from my Father every week, that's what they want!!! Filthy dwarf youngsters! (Of course, I'm not getting any money from my Father, we are a humble family with no particular wealth but our family connections and the ability to brew the finest beer in Dalelands. We don't have gold at all, I tell you!)
They started smiling, their cheeks pink, their words... stupid! (They kept talking about me having to choose one of them and marrying them [I told you it was all about money! Which I dont have, by the way.]). I had to stop this nonsense.
I said: "Listen, if you really want to impress me, show me that you are really brave dwarves and clean up Alduvar The Mage's tower." - I saw their faces, they went a bit pale.
Felo and Falo gulped simultaneously, but Fero said: "Well, okay, my dearie, we'll do anything for you --- but it will cost you a kiss."
"Two kisses!", corrected him Falo.
"THREE kisses, they mean!", added Felo.
Well, they do have a bit of dwarven blod in them after all, they sure can haggle! A agreed for 3 kisses on their cheeks without even thinking. I will think of something later and try to escape the horror of touching their almost-unbearded faces. Okay, maybe they have some short beards, but they are not as long and fine as the masculine beards of the true dwarven heroes of old.

Oh, how I long to find a real dwarven hero with a voluptuous beard... I could sit on his lap every evening, comb it and braid it in three fine, thick braids and then I could sharpen his enormous battle axe while he tells me stories of battles he took part in... All that bone-breaking, orc skull-crushing, the blood of dark creatures splattering all around the place and their helpless cries... Ah... my Father says I'm a hopeless romantic.


I went to sleep dreaming away... but when I woke up, I didn't remember much. I just had a huge headache. Why? Well.. maybe I drank a mug of ale or two. Or maybe more... maybe not only the ale... It's all because it dawned on me what my friends wanted me to do in order to get the money for fixing the stupid mage's old tower. They. Wanted. Me. To. Get. Rid. Of. My. Precioussss... SWEET WATER PEARLS!
I got them, I mean - WE - got them from the Brownies. The pearls were just perfect. Every night when I went to bed, I looked at them, caressed them and said good-night to them. I know that they were very happy with me! And now I have to give them away... just because they are worth exactly 50 gc. That's what they are worth to everyone else, money. Not me, of course, I worshipped them for their beuty and their unique form... as Gozreh creations only. Nothing to do with the money, oh no.
So, now you understand why I needed to drink something more than just regular ale.

The morning was even worse. As soon as I finished my breakfast, the Three Lovebirds approached me proudly and said that they cleaned up the mage's tower (they demanded a kiss each!) and it turned out that they found an old map of Eagles Eyrie! Amazing! I wonder how the Old Fart, um, I mean, our great mage, came into its possesion. I wanted to see this map right away, but guess what Fero said - they wanted one kiss more. Each of them. Oh, and I had such a hangover (now that I think of it, I think it is quite possible that I drank some goat milk in the evening by mistake, instead of - that explains the headache!)... And I was so tired. But I really wanted to see the map - especially after what my Father said (I can't write here what he said, it is a secret! All you should know is that I really have to go to Eagles Eyrie and... find something. Something of the utmost importance. Important Dwarf Business, humans! I won't say a word more!).

So... maybe... well... how to put it... finally I agreed to kiss them (YUCK!!!), but I don't want to talk nor write about it. I will just keep drinking beer and hoping I will forget it all.


Then I met Ilorath in the village and he said that last night, when he was watching the house, he saw our thieving halfling "friend" Zert trying to sneak into the house of Adamelus (the guy that we think is a spy for Iron Circle). As soon as he opened the window, some invisible force sucked him into the dark house! I bet it is haunted! Now we know that we must act - we decided to get into the house in the evening.
Before that, we paid the craftsmen to fix the Mage's Tower (with by beautifullll pearllllss..... myyy.... preciousss....) and  the old mage Alduvar (why do all those humans have names starting with "A"?) was so happy that he gave us lots of magic potions, elixirs and a walnut. But not a regular walnut - it was an enchanted walnut that disarmed any traps we may encounter when getting into the house.



We got into the house as soon as it got dark. The nut worked (noone ate it, luckily) and we avoided any magical traps and alarms. We slowly walked inside through the dark hallway and into the dining room. It was very quiet and empty. The I thought I saw something moving in the fireplace... or maybe it was just my imagination, it was just the flame... We opened the door to the kitchen - adn we saw a black dog with red eyes standing there and sniffing at us. Wic was thinking fast - she grabbed the leftover chicken from the table and gave it to the dog. It started eating the meat instantly, not uttering even the slightest sound. The doog looked really evil and unpleasant, but kept eating and didn't care that we were there. Pheew, we were saved. I'm happy to have such a smart friend as Wic, she always knows what to do. If it was me, I wolud probably smash the animal's head with my urgrosh... but it would have started barking by then.
And then, when we thought that we can quietly proceed, Will shouted: "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"


I turned back to him... and I saw an ugly imp that flew out from the fireplace (I knew there was something there!) and started attacking the cleric of Sarenrae, his god's enemy. Poor Will tried to hit the infernal creature and then Ilorath came to help him, but it was of no use. They were trying to hit the air - the imp was too fast and too cocky, laughing histerically all the time, pulling their hair and tried to attack them. I wished I were an ice dragon and could breath ice on this little obnoxious unnatural creature. And then smash it with my tail. And eat it as a dessert...

At the same time, me and Wic tried to hit the dog. Maybe it was my hangover... but I seemed not to be able to hit it. This infernal dog noticed what we were doing and started growling at us. I took out my urgrosh and wanted to kill it with one, clean movement, but to no avail. I just couldn't hit the beast. I made a mental note to myself: no more goat milk!!! It is not healthy for a dwarf warrior princess like me.
You probably wonder how I was able to fight the animal, since I am Gozreh's follower. Well, the answer is simple. I sensed that it was not natural. Its eyes were red and he smelled of sulphur (I think, at least, I had trouble with my sense of smell after yesterday, when I sneaked intu my dad's provate study and tried to sniff on his secret stash of... um, nevermind. It's a family matter. Nothing to concern you.). But the thing that convinced me 100%, was his, um, outfit. The dog was wearing a lot of black studded leather straps all over his body. Think about it for a moment, imagine the infernal dog... and tell me that's natural. It's not! It is so wrong in so many ways!

I managed to finally kill the beast and was instantly faced with a new danger.
We made so much noise that the house owners finally appeared. I knew their son who worked with us sometimes in the City Watch. I thought that he was a decent fellow. Until the moment, that is, when he pointed his dad's crossbow at me. The bolt swooshed past me and Wic, not damaging anyone. Bad luck for the Asmodeus cultists! And then I saw Adamelus and his wife. She looked, um, much different from her usual... um... self. Remember the dog? I think they dressed at the same clothes' shop and it's not at my friend Holten's place. She had a lot of studded leather on her (well, actually, the leather straps were very revealing, I bet she was very cold in that strange outfit). Was there something improper going on in this house? How do the Asmodeus followers worship their god, anyway?

I shrugged off these thoughts and focused on fighting our enemies. Adamelus' wife casted some strange spell, making me weaker with every injury she received. Black magic, I'm sure! She was such a b... an evil person, I mean. Luckily, Will healed me, so I could be strong enought to fight some more... But it turned out that everything was already finished! Ilorath injured the imp, so the ugly creature escaped. Adamelus and his son were dead, covered with wounds and Wic's arrows sticking out of their bodies. Pheew, that was close. I was so happy Wic with her bow was with us, otherwise they would have to build a burial mound for all of us.
And what about Adamelus' wife, the Asmodeus priestess? We finished her off together. She looked disappointed, though. Probably she thought that her god would save her. Instead, the annoying imp appeared, sucked out her soul and escaped to its master (something tells me we haven't seen the end of him yet).

All was done - the lair of followers of Asmodeus had been properly cleaned. We searched the house and found many curious things (including a somewhat disturbing collection of books) and secret rooms there - including an internal toilet with a magic fountain! Imagine that! And guess who was the first to try it out? Our playboy Illorath. When he went out of the toilet room, he looked really pleased... I don't want to know why. I won't use that place, it may be full of dark magic. What's wrong with going behind a bush every thime you feel the need? It's much more natural than some magic flushing system!

Now I can say that the day (and night) wasn't really  that bad. It ended with cleaning our village of our enemies and followers of evil got. Asmodeus wasn't happy, I am sure. We found a hidden room that was his temple - it contained its terrifying statue. As soon as we got in, we heard a demonic laugh and the statue started burning.... a shiver run down my spine. I wasn't scared, mind you, not at all, it takes more than some cheap trickery to scare Hornikatta!

Oh, and by the way, remember Zert the halfling? We found him unconscious by the statue. I think they wanted to offer him to their god, but we stopped them in time. Zert was so happy to have survived the ordeal, that he gave away all of his possesions and went to the temple of Sarenrae. He made Thalia really happy by saying that he wants to commit his life to her god. He became an acolyte or a cleric of some sorts (not that it interested me, the organization of Sarenrae worship is so complicated... Gozreh keeps it much simpler and more reasonable!).

And then we received a letter from Dheren, my boss:

For the service of keeping the peace in Anthar
Defeating a great evil priest and a the Iron Circle bandit spy
I hereby transfer the ownership of Adamelus (hereby known as the traitor)
House and belonging to
Wic of the Border Watch
Hornikatta of the City Guard
High Elf Ilorath of House Belcadiz
Sarenrae Cleric William of Glantri
It is for those five to decide how to divide the property and belongings of the traitor
The monthly tax for the house will be 3 gold coins, which is half the sum that the traitor had to pay. The taxes must be paid every month or a yearly sum of 36 gold coins may be paid in advance.

This in the name of our great Baron Ilmeth Brand, Lord of Riverdale
Signed: Dheren Ogresbane

Imagine that, a whole stone house for all of us, and all that is there! What a great day, I'm so happy that Dheren finally recognized what our group can do and how strong we've become!
Now it's time for me to finish - i have to run to my Father and ask him whether he can help me with leasing of our new cart (formerly belonging to Adamelus). You ask what "leasing" is... ? Well, it's an ancient dwarven word that means, in short "I own something that you need so I can lend it to you if you pay". The deal is, I leave the cart at the cartwright's warehouse and he finds someone interested in renting it or maybe even buying. If that person doesn't have the money (and who does nowadays), they can borrow it from my Father. He offers the best interest rates in the Dalelands! And you can insure your loan, in case the war comes here. What is "to insure"? Well, sit down, so I can explain it properly. It is an old dwarven concept...